What a miracle

Do you ever just gaze into the faces of your children? You should. Its so amazing to just watch them and think about what a miracle they are. I was just sitting around and staring into Akira's face and she would just look up at me and grin ever so slightly, its so amazing. I love my children more than anything. I could never imagine that I could love anyone as much as I love my girls, they are such miracles and so amazing.

I just can't get over how they came from ME and Jeremy, its amazing. WE made the girls, they are ours and ours alone. Its such a miracle...really it is, and then think about how small your children were when they were born. When we went to see our friends and their new baby boy last Saturday, he's an 8lb baby btw, I was amazed at how little he seemed and my girls were 5lbs each!! I just can't get over how big they are!!

They had their 4 month appointment Monday. Alexa weighs 14.8 lbs and Akira weighs 12.12lbs both are 24 1/2 inches long. Dr. Kotrakona said they are doing GREAT! And she complimented me on how good I am with them. She said that I seem so natural w/ them like I've always had children. She was amazed that the girls are my first babies. It made me feel so wonderful that she said that because I worry all the time that I'm not good enough of a mother to them. I'm afraid I leave them in their high chairs too much, that I don't hold them enough....that they don't feel loved or know what love is.

I just worry too much I think. I remember my OB, Dr. Gates made fun of me bc I was afraid to get my IUD bc I was scared it would hurt and he said this: "You are scared to get it? You, the one who carried TWINS like it was NOTHING!! And mothers them easier than most do one baby?! You are scared to get an IUD?"

Maybe I am a good mother...Maybe I just worry entirely too much...bah
Ok, I'll probably write more later, I'll be up most of the night ;)